i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
