oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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