the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
