She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
