nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
