He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
