I hate your face
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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