I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
