you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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