Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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