sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
