I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
