i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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