I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
