It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
