Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
