it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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