hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
