your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
