you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
