I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
