so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
