peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Never joke about your clitoris.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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