porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
