Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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