There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Send help, water and tortillas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
