My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mom said you looked used
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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