Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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