Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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