I cockslap morals
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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