hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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