he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
