i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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