How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
