Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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