And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
