Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
