Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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