I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Please, let me fuck your mom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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