if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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