we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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