You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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