Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
