So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
