How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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