Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
