TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
