is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
