I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
