Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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