hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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