I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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