I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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