Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
