That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
