he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
