Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
