If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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