he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
