i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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