I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
PANTIES FOUND
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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