In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
