69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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