There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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