i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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