I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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