when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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