its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize