I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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