I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
