it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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