i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
