Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
