Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
