That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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