I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
