I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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