Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
