no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
