Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I love you. Go after that dick
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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