New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
