Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
