i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
