I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
