It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
