Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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