yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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