No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
