My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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